Failure to Communicate

1967 movie Cool Hand Luke.

“What we’ve got here is failure to communicate.” Said with deep southern drawl.

Being the movie lover I am this particular film is on my list of favorites. Paul Newman plays the lead of a young free spirited man full of bravado and rebellion who finds himself incarcerated on a Florida prison farm in the early 1960s.

The opening quote of this post is a familiar one for those who are fans of this movie. Failure to communicate is painful in this film and is also painful in our lives. Ever notice how much trouble a failure to communicate can cause? In relationships at work, at home at school and anywhere else our lives take us.

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” Proverbs 25:11 English Standard Version

We each need to learn to communicate clearly and regularly. We cannot be apathetic, lazy or fearful about it without inviting trouble to cross our path. We have to listen, learn and speak clearly to avoid pain. 

For example I’ve noticed lately the FAILURE to communicate on the roads. More and more people are not using their turn signals at stop signs, red lights or when switching lanes. The turn signal is a device to communicate your intentions to others on the road for safety. Why would we not use it?

Failure to communicate?

In the work place communication is key to being a profitable company. Each employee must keep coworkers informed so time is not wasted on two people doing the same work because no one spoke up. Or a lone maverick employee trying to do a job without consulting seasoned coworkers can cause costly mistakes.

Failure to communicate can easily happen while texting. Keep that in mind if someone is suddenly upset with you or stops communicating. Use another form of communication to see what’s up. A phone call allows both parties to hear and convey tonal inflections to better communicate. Talking in person is the best way to communicate because you are able to see facial expressions as well as hear the tones and words simultaneously. 

In sports communication between teammates can be the difference between winning and losing. It is essentially the same principle in life. To be successful in relationships and in life in general it helps to master the art of communication.

Did you ever miss out on something important because of a Failure to Communicate? It can be devastating and yet so easy to guard against. Here are a few tips to start putting into practice if your communication skills are weak.

Do not expect people to read your mind.

Never assume people know what you mean after you’ve told them something, always clarify and confirm so you are both on the same page.

Reaffirm information and/or plans with the other party if significant (more than a few days) time has passed since you last communicated. Adjustments may be necessary.

Ask questions if you are not sure what is being communicated to you.

Above all, do not let fear intimidate you to keep quiet. Speaking your thoughts respectfully and clearly will take you far in any forum. Lean on this truth daily:

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” II Timothy 1:7 New International Version

Shine On. . . 

karan K

Christmas Lights of Grace

I love driving around to look at lights this time of year. Some people go all out to decorate and illuminate their homes. I have more lights on the inside than on the outside of our cozy town home. How about you, do you use lights in your Christmas decorating?

“Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, ‘I AM the Light of the world. If you follow Me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you have the Light that leads to Life.’ ” John 8:12 New Living Translation

Jesus said these words right after the whole incident with the adulteress woman. Another simple story you can read in John 8:1-11. His message to us has not changed but remains timeless. We need His Light above all others to find our way. Any other light is false and we will end up in trouble if we follow it just like the adulteress woman. Whether its our finances, our tongues, our bodies, our relationships etc., each of us can find ourselves in trouble when we stray from His life giving Light.

Perhaps like the adulteress woman, you didn’t know about His light. Ask Jesus to forgive your sins and come into your heart so you can know Him and He can know you. His Light and Life will transform your existence. Its WHY He came. He love you and wants a life brimming of joy and purpose for you.

Crown of Lights?

When His light lives in us we can let it shine through us to others. No we are not perfect but His love and grace are available if we step back into the Light after we’ve sinned. Grace abounds in the Light!

May you receive His grace today in whatever way you need it!

Merry Christmas and God Bless us, every one!

Shine on. . .
karan k

“In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” Matthew 5:16 New Living Translation

The Christmas Visit

“Then the KING will say to those on HIS right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you VISITED me.’ ” Matthew 25:34-36 New living Translation

One of the ultimate things to do at Christmas is visiting. Not just on Christmas day but during the entire holiday season. I confess it is one of my passions all year but at Christmastime the need is especially felt by those who may not have family close by or who are sick or lonely or behind bars. The suicide rate skyrockets during the holiday season. People feel cut off and insignificant.

Family is everything to inmates

Years ago, I had the privilege to visit prisons at Christmastime. The joy on the inmates’ faces to be remembered at this special time of year was unmistakable. Some prisoners had gone years without anyone visiting. I remember one inmate whom a visitor bought a sandwich for his lunch. He wanted it heated, but because he was in prison so long, he didn’t know how to use a microwave oven. He never had the opportunity to use one. Think about that for a moment. . .

A prisoner spends some quality time with his wife on a speical family visit day around Chirstmas time. HMP/YOI Portland, Dorset, United Kingdom.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the frenzy of Christmas preparation and detail. I struggle with it too but Christmas comes down to people. Jesus came as a baby so long ago to save the people whom His Father loved. God the Father and His Son, Jesus, loved each of us enough to spend time with us. Jesus in physical form and the Father through His precious Holy Spirit who we have today in our hearts if we’ve accepted Him.

share some love with a friend

Jesus is Emmanuel, God with us. Christ in us, the hope of Glory! (Colossians 1:27) So what better way than to let Him shine out of our hearts to those around us. We love others because He has enough love for us and them. So we share our love with them because of Him. When we experience His great love we should desire to share this magnificence with all we meet and certainly, at least those closest to us.

Nursing home residents need our love
The sick need our love

So today I want to encourage you if you haven’t yet planned a visit as part of your holiday agenda, it’s not too late. People need the love we have to give. Don’t be afraid to share it. Whether its an inmate, the elderly, a difficult relative, an old friend or a stranger— Jesus says we should reach out and share His love with them. It will mean more than you can fathom.

“And the KING will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these My brothers and sisters, you were doing it to Me!’ ” Matthew 25:41 New Living Translation

Shine On. . .
karan k

Here We Come A Caroling

 

“. . . singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:19b  American Standard Version

One of my favorite things to do at Christmas is Christmas caroling. So far this year I had two wonderful and heart warming opportunities. The first took place in a cozy home with my small group of Christian writers. We gathered around a piano and each chose a carol to sing accompanied by a pianist and a violinist. What melodic tones and uplifted voices filled the air in that lovely living room. It was sorta like a Hall Mark moment, at least for me.

The next chance I got to make my own joyful noise in celebration of our Savior’s birth came on a frigid Sunday evening. A group of 45 or so from St. Paul’s E.C. church bundled up to walk the streets of Reamstown, Pennsylvania. It’s a rather tiny town but extra special to me because I grew up there.

As a child in the ’60s and’ 70s, this church congregation annually walked and sang carols at christmastime in Reamstown. I have many happy memories of residents opening their doors and warming us with steaming coffee or hot chocolate, cookies and candy before sending us on our way to sing at the next home. I looked forward to it every year.

The practice had sadly subsided some time ago but this year it was revived. 2018 marks the first year I returned to St. Paul’s after a 40 year absence and I was thrilled to find out that caroling in Reamstown had returned to the  Advent agenda!

A lot of the people in the town were preoccupied that night. They didn’t seem interested in live caroling from strangers. Most were snuggled up on their sofas with the Eagles/Cowboys football game on tv while we huddled outside in the cold to sing. We could see them from the street. Few came to their doors to hear our caroling. It was a bit sad. Here and there children peeked out through the windows to watch and listen to something sacred.

Our hearts were not dampened as we sang inspite of the reception we received. It was not unlike the night Joseph and Mary travelled to Bethlehem. Doors remained closed to them as well. People were preoccupied.

How about you? Is your heart rejoicing because Jesus came to save us and give us REAL LIFE in this world and the one to come? Or are you too preoccupied with the busyness of life and the trappings of the holiday season?

If you have a favorite Christmas Carol, take some time to sing it to Jesus in your quiet time these days leading up to Christmas.  Most carols are brimming with doctrinal truth. Sing in the car, in the shower, while you do chores, just find some time to remember Him. HE delights in hearing the voice HE gave you to sing HIS praise!

Ginormous

Shine on. . .
karan k

Loneliness and The Dating Game Part V: Wise Choices

 

Rodney Alcala on The Dating Game

Dating Game Who’s Who: In 1978 serial killer Rodney Alcala competed and won the Dating Game just months before a vicious crime spree. Yikes!

Sure pays to be cautious and do some investigating to make wise choices in dating so you don’t find yourself in a dangerous and/or compromising position.

 

After you have all your personal ducks in a row as discussed in Parts I-IV, you are now ready to create your customized template to find a mate. All you need is an 8×11 inch sheet of paper. If you are the journaling type a notebook will help if you want to record more detail. You can also construct your graph on a computer if you like.

This method helped me tremendously. I attended a class for singles called Wise Choices taught by Lynne Babbitt, a local Christian Psychotherapist. (lynnebabbitt.com) She instructed us to create these graphs to evaluate healthy matches.

To start, divide the sheet whether paper or electronic into 8 equal spaces. Now label each square with the most important categories you want in a mate. Here are a few category examples for your consideration:

Spiritual
Character
Emotional
Intellectual
Interpersonal
Physical
Sexual
Parenting
Financial
Interests
Miscellaneous

Now pick only 8 of these or some of your own. Take each category and break it down into 6 specific things you are looking for in a potential mate within that particular category.

Take time to consider

Here is an example of the specific breakdown of the Emotional category:

Openness
Sharing
Teachability
Self Esteem
Inner peace
Confidence

And an example of the Character category:

Integrity
Loyalty
Kindness
Sincerity
Self-control
Generosity

For each of the eight main categories, you formulate six specific things within that category you desire most in a mate. You should end up with 48 different attributes to evaluate for each person you meet.

When you finish your custom graph make about 10 copies to start out and begin evaluating any person you already know with whom you are considering a relationship. After that anyone new you are considering should also be evaluated on their own separate graph. The scoring system is as follows;

2 points for the high score
1 point for so so score
0 points for non-existent score

Add up the scores in each of the eight categories. Then add those 8 scores together. The highest cumulative score anyone can receive is 96 because no one is a perfect 100.

If a prospective candidate scores less than 80 on your graph, don’t allow yourself to become involved with them. This person is not who you really want. It will be an unhealthy and unhappy relationship that is wasting your valuable time.

Some candidates will need to be evaluated over time since you won’t know them well enough to rate them when you first meet. Use your judgement and take your time in this process, it is worth the extra time and effort. Love at first sight is a myth, don’t fall for it.

Feelings alone cannot be trusted. This rating system will help you use your head and your heart to make wiser choices in relationships. Choosing a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions of life and this system helped me immensely . I hope it works the same for you!

Shine on. . .

karan k

Labor of Love: Part IV

Someone I know is currently making their way back into the workforce after a hiatus to care for a loved one. During their recent job search they ran up against an unforeseen problem repeatedly at different companies for various positions. They felt discriminated against. The problem? they were not bilingual.

Should this be a requirement for employment even if the position does not specifically involve bilingual communication?

In my opinion the answer is NO. But that is only my opinion.

Furthermore, from my position working with traffic I see people everyday who cannot speak English driving tractor trailers. . . a highly dangerous situation. How do they read the road signs? Why are they not required to be bilingual and speak English? How did they get a license at the DMV in the U.S.?

This inquiring mind is almost afraid to ask!

Did you know the United States has no official language? I’ve always assumed it was English. Perhaps you did as well? But that is not the case. Almost every session of Congress includes an amendment to make English the official language of the U.S. but as of this date there is no official language for “we the people”.

There remains no official language on the books at the federal level, however, 27 states have adopted legislation granting official status to English in what has been called the English-Only movement. 27 states have existing official language laws on their books : Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, New Hampshire, North Carolina, North dakota, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia and Wyoming.

englishplus_logo_main

There are also states with English-Plus resolutions passed. The English-Plus movement formed in reaction to the English-Only movement. Its intent is to promote greater acceptance of language diversity in the United States. States with English-Plus resolutions are: New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island and Washington.

Now what I find incredibly interesting is that the U.S. Naturalization process REQUIRES each applicant to be able to read, write and speak basic English. So why don’t we have English as our official language?

What do you think? The more I research this issue the more complicated it gets:
Work Visas include L-1 and H-B1. Green cards, naturalization, permanent residency, citizenship— what do each of these terms mean and how do they work together for the good of our country? Does anyone really know? The complex system seems out of control. Is it too late to simplify some things starting with one official language for our country?

What do you think?

Can’t let this frustration affect my FLURISHING. I wait to hear your thoughts.

“For as he thinks within himself, so he is.” Proverbs 23:7a New American Standard Bible

Shine on. . .
karan k

To What End?

 

“Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.” Colossians 4:6 New Living Translation

My husband has this little idiom he uses quite often when I am prattling on about something or someone. . .  he’ll matter of factly ask, “To what end?” My agitation soars. My impulsive mind doesn’t usually entertain this question especially in the middle of some  frustrating diatribe. But it’s certainly worth considering now that I’m calm enough to give it some real thought. My mind turn to this verse:

“Avoid worthless, foolish talk that only leads to more godless behavior.” II Timothy 2:16 New Living Translation

TO WHAT END? Such a small phrase with humongous implications! How often do we consider the end of a matter? Do we even have an end in sight? Do we just talk to hear our own voices? Do we fall into a merry-go-round of fussing and fuming or perhaps gossiping? Yikes!

I know there are times when my mouth just rolls because I can’t seem to let go of something. And it always seems to be something negative. When’s the last time you rattled on about something good? Something Philippians 4:8 good? Like meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious, the best, the beautiful ?—- The Message paraphrased

Why is that?
Aren’t we to be edifying and encouraging each other regularly? Building each others faith with the good things of God? Telling good stories, lovely memories, strengthening verses, recalling His love in our everyday lives?

Sometimes it’s a challenge to keep a positive focus in this current era of history.

The world where we abide is moving faster and faster away from God and His ways.  It’s a dangerous place to live.  But it’s all  happened before. . .

“The LORD saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time. . . Now the earth was corrupt in God’s sight and was full of violence.” Genesis 6:5 & 11                   New International Version

These verses occur just before God informs Noah of the coming flood that will wipe out and clean the earth of every wicked thing. Only Noah and his family and a set of every kind of animal would be saved.

In His Word, God our loving Father warns us over and over that wickedness is again increasing.

 

“At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will arise and deceive many. And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.” Matthew 24:10-12 New International Version

Read the following passages to get the full scope.

Daniel 12:4, II Thessalonians 2:9-11, II Timothy 3:1-5, Matt 24:21-22 Jude 1:18-19

Current National unrest

We must help each other now and in the future to get through these increasing times of wickedness, to uphold righteousness in a world going mad. Here in the U. S. we see it escalating now as we are torn apart as a nation over idiotic things to the point of irrationality and violence. This divisive hatred has not  been seen since the days of the Civil War and it will only get worse as the passages above foretell.

 

Brother against Brother

“This is why you must encourage and help each other,  just as you are already doing.” I Thessalonians 5:11 Contemporary English Version

 

Our great God is trying to warn us. Stand up. Encourage each other to be strong so we can be a safe haven for those who have not yet found salvation in Christ and the hope that we have for the future.

“. . . while we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be revealed.” Titus 2:13 New Living Translation

What is more uplifting than to be reminded of the great hope of Christ’s return and eternity with Him? It’s the ultimate GOOD END and it’s forever.

 

That’s what I want my END to be—- writing and speaking words of an uplifting nature, encouraging anyone who will listen. In this temporary existence I choose to use sweet words toward others and beyond that, strong, loving words of beseeching, if necessary, so they will see the coming Kingdom and be saved while there still is time.

To What End are you living?

Shine on. . .
karan k

The Red Flag of Conscience

“And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,’ when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.” Isaiah 30:21 English Standard Version

Someone commented on my “Sin Still Happens” post about how nice it would be if we had a natural red flag warning system in our heads/hearts. I thought to myself we do each have a built-in red flag system called “Conscience”.

“The Lord gave us a mind and conscience; we cannot hide from ourselves.” Proverbs 20:27 Good News Translation

 

Do you think our conscience can be trusted?

I believe God cleverly engineered it into our very being. But do we bear any responsibility where conscience is concerned? Read on.

Merriam-Webster defines conscience as, “the sense or consciousness of the moral goodness or blameworthiness of one’s own conduct, intentions, or character together with a feeling of obligation to do right or be good.”

A Google definition says conscience is “An inner feeling or voice viewed as acting as a guide to the rightness or wrongness of one’s behavior.”

Which definition do you think is correct—Webster’s or Google? Can you explain your answer?

I’d venture to say in my opinion, they are both correct. According to http://www.gotquestions.com, “The conscience is the servant of our own individual value system.”

So our value systems of belief start forming from what we are exposed to as children. We’re influenced by family, church or religious training, school, community, culture and friends. Each of us decides over time to choose from these experiences and exposures what we believe to be true. This makes up our individual value system which our conscience follows. So we must choose our truths wisely. Or. . . results could be disastrous.

uh oh. . . bad input led to bad output

 

Some people are actively engaged in this process of forming values and some are passive, believing whatever comes across their mind’s path. We know the mind is an incredible organ more intricate than any computer man can create. So shouldn’t we be concerned about the values we choose as input for our personal filter systems?

I think so. If we want to use our natural flag system, we need to be intentional. We need to examine the input in our value systems from our past and determine what stays and what must be deleted to line up with scripture.

As Christ followers we choose the moral code set out for us first in the Ten Commandments and then the rest of the written Word to be input for our value system. But we must know what the Word of God says before that data can be entered into the grid system of our conscience.

As children we are taught on a child’s level. As we grow we need to actively read and learn what the Word says to update the information in the memory banks of our conscience. Using the gift God gave us of a healthy mind we continue to process the scripture throughout our lives, always updating and adding information as well as experience.

If something learned from the past is wrong, we need to update it or delete it altogether. A constant check on our value system input.

Again from http://www.gotanswers.com, “An immature or weak value system produces a weak conscience, while a fully informed value system produces a strong sense of right or wrong. In the Christian life, one’s conscience can be driven by an inadequate understanding of scriptural truths and can produce feelings of guilt and shame disproportionate to the issues at hand. Maturing in the faith strengthens the conscience.”

So if we diligently maintain the data of our value system included in our conscience it will be strong and we can use it as a yellow flag of caution or direction. However, since it can only respond to what we choose to value, can we trust it wholeheartedly?

I would say, “No.” Because the reliability factor lies in how well we program and care for our conscience. Unlike God’s revealed Word, our conscience is changeable and fallible.

Some people simply neglect their conscience, believing it works automatically which certainly doesn’t lead to a healthy, reliable conscience. Each of us is responsible for programming, updating and cleaning our own conscience.

If we do the work to maintain our conscience (proper programming, updating and cleaning) then we can use it as a guide but even then it must pass the test of lining up with the ultimate flag system of God’s Holy Spirit and  Word which will never contradict each other. So ongoing maintenance and subordination to God’s Word are the keys to a trustworthy conscience.

You cannot FLURISH without a purified conscience.

“How much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living God.” Hebrews 9:14 English Standard Version

Shine on. . .

karan k

 

Puny Peevish Predicaments

Isn’t THIS great?!?:)

 

“Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes.” Song of Solomon 2:15 New King James version

Today my booth is once again infiltrated with dozens of flies. Buzzing in my face, landing all over me and my stuff. They’re dirty scavengers who “gross me out to the max” (for all you late baby boomers).

I remember from junior high science that flies invert their stomachs wherever they land. It’s like throwing up on any surface and then reswallowing it to pick up food particles. Totally nasty.

Agh!!

I have to ask for skads of grace to get through such shifts when I am forced to share a very small space with these filthy pests. They can be so incredibly annoying.

 

Aren’t we often irritated by the little things in life? A pokey driver in front of us when we’re in a hurry. An annoying sound like fingernails across a chalkboard. People who cut in front of you in line. People who chew with their mouths open. Or how about when someone cuts you off in mid-sentence?

Yesterday as I drove through a convenience store parking lot very slowly, I might add—A guy strolled out in front of me across the macadam while he was texting. He never bothered to look up to see if there was oncoming traffic on his right or left. He leisurely moved in front of me with no care of oncoming cars. Even though I was not in a hurry it frustrated me.

Do things ever get to you like that?

What are some of your irritations or pet peeves?

These little seemingly harmless agitations can build up and ruin our mood if we’re not careful. We can become snappy with those around us and even those we love.
Like the little foxes that ruined the grapes, it can be the little things in life that spoil our moods. Irritations can quickly lead to burdens and touchy attitudes.

Let’s take our annoyances to Jesus. He can deal with them much better than we can! He’ll lighten our load and replace our irritation with better things.

“May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy…” Colossians 1:11 English Standard Version

Shine on . . .
karan k

Easter Morning Musings

Ever think of how the Trinity was involved during the passion of Christ? At Christmas time we are given more specific information of the Trinity’s activity.

“The angel answered, ‘THe Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the Holy One to be born will be called the Son of God.’ ” Luke 1:35 New International Version

 

Thirty-three and a half years later, this same Son of God is nailed to a cross. Where was the power of the Most High and the Holy Spirit? I believe they were right there with Jesus because this was the plan all along. The Father’s love for us was so great that HE desired to make a way for us to escape not only an eternity in hell but also eternal separation from Him. He sacrificed His Son and in essence Himself to take our place, so we would have the hope of an eternal relationship with Him. (John 14:2&3)

Because God the Father, God the Spirit and God the Son are one, I believe they all felt the pain of the cross although perhaps in different ways.

“Then Jesus uttered another loud cry and breathed His last.” Mark 15:37 Compare with Matthew 27:50 “Then Jesus shouted out again, and He released His Spirit.” Both verses from the New Living Translation.

Was the Holy Spirit shouting/crying out in pain through Jesus?
(see Romans 8:26)

“Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?'” which means “My God, My God, why have You abandoned Me?” Matthew 27:46 and Mark 15:34b New Living Translation

These are the only recorded words from Jesus on the cross in these two gospels. If Jesus felt abandoned, I wonder if the Father felt more intense grief at this time as He felt and saw His Son, who was also one with Him, dying?

We will have to wait for heaven to reveal all the answers but I believe the entire Trinity suffered during this excruciating sacrifice. Any experience affects each person of the Godhead. Likewise, early on the Sabbath they, each member of the Trinity, rejoiced with joy unspeakable and full of glory at the reality of the resurrection!

The power of sin over mankind was forever obliterated by the precious blood of Jesus! Because of His willingness to take our place, we can be free! Let’s celebrate anew!

 

HAPPY RESURRECTION DAY!

May you FLURISH like there’s no tomorrow!

“May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.” II Corinthians 13:14 New International Version

Shine On. . .
karan k