UN-Happy Part II: Be Aware

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“For as he thinks within himself, so he is.” Proverbs 23:7a New American Standard Bible

Okay, so we have the right to pursue happiness, at least here in the United States. I realize there are readers from all over the world and so far some have registered from Israel, Brazil, Brunei, Italy, and China. The type of happiness we will be investigating on FLURISH can benefit anyone anywhere anytime.

So let me ask you a few questions:
Where does your mind spend most of its energy? What issues crop up continually in your mental centrifuge? Think about it? Do you focus on work? Leisure? Goals? Family? Survival? Yourself? Politics? Finances?Possessions? God?

Are the thoughts you focus on primarily positive or negative?

To pursue happiness, we must fill our minds with positive thoughts and positive things. This will look different for each of us.
The Bible says, “. . .Fix your thoughts on what is true, honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 New Living translation

What we think about shapes our attitudes, values, and actions no matter where we call home. It’s extremely important to fill our minds with good stuff if we wish to FLURISH in happiness. Here in the U.S. we are surrounded by a culture that likes to shock, scare and depress us. Not the best avenue to promote healthy psyches in any society.

Negativity has many faces and forms. Over-exposure to it will eventually bend us in its direction and subtly twist our thinking without our own awareness that any change has taken place.

For example, let’s look at something most Americans see as harmless entertainment; cartoons. Our history shows a seeming preoccupation with characters who are down on their luck, grumpy, whiney. depressed or outright self proclaimed losers.

During the second World War a character called Sad Sack came to life in issues of Yank, the Army Weekly. Sad Sack became so popular that Simon & Shuster published two hard cover collections before moving him into newspaper syndication, which lasted until 1957.

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The forties also brought the Droopy Dog cartoon to MGM. Each decade has added some new negative personas to the mix such as;

Peanuts lead character Charlie Brown arrived in the fifties. Hardy Har Har the Hyena sidekick to Lippy the Lion appeared in the early ’60s. Schleprock from the Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm show surfaced in the ’70s. Care Bear’s Grumpy Bear hit the scene in the ’80s. Squidward Tentacles from Sponge Bob, and for any rebels out there, Bill Dauterive, the clinically depressed neighbor on King of the Hill, both dominated the ’90s television in primetime. Strong Sad a major character on the hit internet series Homestar Runner launched in 2000. And now Lamington, have you seen or heard of him? He’s a sensitive Boston Terrier cartoon, the saddest puppy in the world. Lamington has been seen on greeting cards since 2015 and hopes to expand to additional media outlets. Nothing of a positive nature among these ranks.

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Only unhappy people are obsessed with negative icons. Lots of unhappy people are paying good money to sport their favorite negative hero or heroine. For example, while meandering through a local gift shop I spied a sweatshirt featuring a fairly new icon which was not a cartoon.

I’m sure you’ve heard of Grumpy cat? Her real name is Tartar Sauce. She went viral as a kitten in 2012 when her owner’s brother posted a photo of her on a social news website.

As I looked around in the store I could not believe how many items bear her image. She has her own line of calendars, cards, plush toys, bean bags, socks (men’s and women’s I might add), posters, hoodies, post cards, gift bags, pillows, children’s books, stickers, stamps, guitar straps, mugs, balloons, magnets, slippers, craft sets (of a miserable sort of course), books, candies, pens, napkins, earphones, paper dolls, laptop sleeves, coasters, dinner plates, coloring books, mouse pads, bookmarks, infants clothing (let’s start’em young), playing cards, masks and the variety of T-shirts and tank tops seem infinite. Each item bearing the furry feline’s miserable mug.

These characters are fun and all of us can relate AT TIMES to being a sad sack, grumpy bear or cat, but it should not be our daily Modus Operandi. We should not celebrate it or we will become like it because we focus too much attention on something negative. Being flawed creatures it’s naturally easy for us to flow in the groove of least resistance. Easy is not always better. Happy is harder but so worth the effort.

If we’re struggling in misery may I suggest that unless we have Clinical Depression of some sort, we have a choice in the matter of being happy or unhappy? You can choose to disagree with my suggestion and remain miserable, that’s also your choice.

And if anyone is thinking I’m a Pollyanna type, think again. I’ve battled negativity, depression and anxiety throughout my life. I can tell you without a doubt it is indeed a choice and not a mandate to live unhappily ever after. I made a choice to believe there IS happiness in this life. Jesus said we can be happy. (John 10:10b) The forefathers of the United States believed happiness was attainable (see Part I). Who do you believe?

First step toward Happiness is being aware that you are not. BE AWARE of the state of your mind and heart. Accept that you have a choice.

I hope you choose to fight negativity and focus on the good stuff God has provided. Next time we’ll discuss where you go from here on your journey toward happiness.

Shine on. . .

karan k

Un-Happy: Part I

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.” Proverbs 17:22 New Living translation

Recently on a trip to the midwest, I happened upon an UNcommon bookstore in a university town that sold UNusual things. I treasure these type of fascinating places and I will go out of my way to patronize them if possible.

I found the coolest embroidered patch of a round canary yellow icon (Baby Boomers can you guess what it is?!?). But rather than my expected Smiley face staring back at me which is what I hoped to purchase, it was a Frownie face, an UN-Happy Face. So I marched it up to the cashier and asked if there were any smiling versions of the patch.

“No, this particular artist only does the frown faces. His vibe is on the dark side. He doesn’t do happy,” the merchant answered. To which I responded.

“Because happy is harder.” The merchant looked at me quizzically as I thanked him, laid down the patch and exited the store.

My husband remarked afterward about the profundity of that short statement. (BECAUSE HAPPY IS HARDER) It was one of those delicious moments when I didn’t say too much or too little. I said just the right thing and then I walked out of the store. Sort of like Fanny Brice in a scene from Funny Girl where Barbra Streisand says to Omar Shariff ; “No law against waiting, people do it all the time.” If you are a movie buff, check it out.

Train scene Funny Girl 1968 — Train scene
Funny Girl 1968

As I thought more about what just happened, I realized the deep truth again myself, maybe for the millionth time. Creating anything happy or joyful must spring from a heart or life that has experienced it as truth.

How many truly happy people do you know? Look around. Our world was never a perfectly happy place but something has changed in the US of A in recent years. Something is lost. A general belief that there is no chance for happiness has replaced the expectant hope for a joyous tomorrow. Negativity is now celebrated and even trendy. UN-Happy is in. Happy is out. Have you noticed the change? The loss? This college bookstore experience was a stark reminder to me of this new accepted mindset.

Happy IS harder because you have to chase after it. Our country’s preamble to the Declaration of Independence states;

‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Notice the last three words, “pursuit of Happiness”. Happiness doesn’t just happen. You can’t be lazy or apathetic about it. You can’t sit and stew in your own pain or misfortune. You have to intentionally act. You have to chase it down, catch it and never let it escape. It takes perpetual determination, or we end up as sad sacks.

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Our aim is to FLURISH not frown through life. How do we do this? Excellent question! One we will explore further in part II. Until then ponder your own thoughts concerning happiness.

Shine on. . .
karan k

Birthday Invitation

” Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me. . . ” Psalm 23:4a+b New King James version

Ever get an invitation for a surprise Birthday party? People love to be in on surprising someone. The thrill of seeing the person’s reaction is enough to entice people to attend a party. The anticipation of waiting for the guest of honor to arrive is exciting. But what if there is no surprise?

My sweet husband recently attempted to surprise me with a Birthday gathering. Being the planner I am, I figured things out although not quite all the details. I hope the guests are not disappointed that there will be no surprise, ’cause I’m psyched to share time with them. To celebrate with trusted friends is something I treasure.
On my actual Birthday I planned a surprise of my own. I decided to visit my mother at the exact time she gave birth to me many moons ago, 9:55 in the morning.

When I arrived, no familiar bright pink clothing greeted my eyes. Mom lay on her bed curled up in a standard hospital gown. I could see she didn’t feel well. I spoke to a nurse to find out what was wrong. Mom had caught a flu bug earlier in the week. One of the aids was kind enough to get me a mask to wear so I could visit.

Birthday surprise with Mom January 11, 21017 — Birthday surprise with Mom
January 11, 21017

Mom perked up when I sat on the bed with her and stroked her “strubly” (Pennsylvania Dutch term for messy) hair out of her face. I could tell she had been laying in that position quite some time due to the matting of her hair. I told her I came at 9:55 am the time I was born to surprise her. But she didn’t have a clue.

I told her all the current news from the outside world of family and friends. We shared some memories from past Birthdays in my adulthood. Not much good to remember of my childhood birthdays. She seemed so glad to see me even though I wore the mask.

Just before I left our visit, Mom asked in her own cute little way, “Did you know that you had red hair when you were born?” “No, you never told me that before, ” I answered. She smiled and said “Well, you did.” This little Birthday trivia tickled my heart . What a special surprise.

I hugged her and left smiling.

Mom doesn’t recall a lot of details anymore due to her Dementia but I praise God for these lucid moments of sharing. I know there is coming a day when all her memories will stop. Her body may be living and breathing but her mind might struggle to even recognize my face. It’s a harsh reality but one I’ve asked Jesus many times to strengthen us to brave together. Sometimes Mom cries when she can’t remember stuff I ask her and it’s so hard to watch her struggling. But even during these moments I must realize HE is in control.

He is faithful to help with the surprises of life

I am confident that as time rolls along and Birthdays come and go for both Mom and myself, Jesus will faithfully hold our hands and walk with us! Because we both invited Him to our party a long time ago.

Whatever you are walking through these days remember He is there by your side. Ask Him to help you notice and sense His presence more. He longs to be involved in all our experiences; celebrations like Birthdays and tough stuff like dementia. You don’t have to walk alone. He is awaiting your invitation. His answer will be the biggest and best surprise of your life!

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“Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for You are close beside me.” Psalm 23:4a+b New Living translation

Shine on. . .
karan k

Mother of all Fears

fullsizerender-6 Let’s talk about fear.

How many of you out there are mothers? Bully for you! Kudos and all that stuff. You have my enduring respect for whatever it’s worth. You have done something impressive in my book.

I never had any children. I didn’t want to have children. Let me clarify. I was beyond terrified to actually HAVE a baby. Have you ever seen photographs of an actual birth? I worked as a proofreader for medical journals at age 18. Some kind soul decided to show me photos of what happens to certain parts of the mother’s body during delivery. It totally freaked me out to say the least. I made a personal executive decision that I would do my best to avoid physically having a baby. Labor pain was the “mother of all fears” to me at this point in my life. God backs me up in the pain department. Read Genesis 3:16 in any version you choose. God said there would be pain and I believed Him.

I lived solo for 32 years when my best friend announced she was getting married. She like me, had never had children. The man she planned to marry had two. Are you kidding me, I thought. No way would I want to raise someone else’s child unless the said child was an orphan. At this point in my life I needed my own limelight and remained intolerably too selfish to share my man, even with an orphan.

I told my friend I could never do what she seemed determined to attempt. A new “mother of all fears” crept into my heart, that of a Step Mother! My Friend got married the following year and things appeared to go went well for her.

Ten years pass and I met a doll of a man. I knew shortly after meeting him that he was marriage material. The only catch? He had an 11 year old daughter who was his shadow, a hiding behind his back mini version of him.

Suddenly a new terror struck me. I lived as a single for 42 years how would I ever adjust to sharing my life (my home, my car, my everything) with a husband let alone a young girl who wasn’t MINE. Not to mention could I be a good mother to her or should I even try? I didn’t want to step on her biological mother’s turf. Question after question plagued my mind.

Show the Love — Daddy Daughter Love scared the Daylights out of me!

At this time, I was attending a weekly women’s Bible study. I requested prayer every week concerning my budding relationship with Dwight (the doll). The fear concerning his daughter, Cortney swept through my soul like a hurricane. But a tiny calming voice came through the din; “Do not be afraid of Cortney.” The same words week after week. “Do not be afraid of Cortney.” I couldn’t escape it. No matter how I rationalized or justified my fears to God, the answer was the same, “Do Not Be AFRAID of Cortney.”

So when Dwight proposed, I had a major meltdown. I did not want to commit to something I felt I could not succeed at due to my insecurity issues. For crying out loud when I met Dwight I hadn’t even planned on dating yet alone get married at this point AND become a Step Mom! I remained steeped in fears and rationalizations, but the tiny voice continued. “Do not be afraid of Cortney.”

After much prayer involving lots of crying, I took a leap of faith. I trusted the still small voice instead of my fear. We got married. The husband, the daughter and the cat moved in. We had some tough moments together. All three of us are the youngest in our families (not sure about the cat), but the three baby humans — Dwight, Cortney and I learned and grew up together by the grace of Almighty God. We were transformed into something more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. We became a close knit family. We shared our hearts and souls regularly even through the teen years becoming a triangle of love and faith blessed by God. We FLURISHED!

Cortney's Bridal shower — Cortney’s Bridal shower

Being a bonus Mom ( I prefer this term rather than Step Mom) to Cortney has been one of thee greatest delights of my life. What I feared most became one of my greatest treasures because I trusted God. I cherish my relationship with her and every moment we spend together. It just gets better and better.

Central Market Wheat grass shots — Central Market
Wheat grass shots

In 2015 I had the extreme privilege to help Cortney plan her wedding to an extraordinary young man. Their life together has blossomed. Nothing is perfect but they are learning and growing together as they trust God, rather than give in to fear. I pray they too will pass this lesson on to any children who come their way.

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Remember the Lord ALWAYS knows best! Trust Him not your fears. I’m eternally grateful that I did.

Shine on. . .

karan k

PS: To see video version go to Youtube: Karan Klassen –Mother of all Fears

Tales from the Booth: Horn Blowers Beware

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“So we are Christ’s ambassadors: God is making His appeal through us.” II Corinthians 5:20a New Living translation

As ambassadors may we be mindful to reflect our King with the glory HE deserves. Read on.

The other day I had a customer who couldn’t find her money. She was a big bosom woman and fished around in her cleavage for a wad of cash (You’d be amazed how many women still carry cash that way). It took her awhile to find a sufficient amount when just as she was about to hand it to me the car behind her began honking. Or it appeared the horn blowing emanated from the next car. There were three cars behind her so in reality it could have been any one of those three. I noticed the next car had a big sign on the side of the car saying “JESUS LOVES YOU!”

My coworker shouted across the lane “Guess Jesus is in a hurry?” I shook my head as my heart sank. I wanted the honking to be from someone else. I hoped the driver bumped the horn by mistake somehow. That has happened many times before in my long experience on the Pike, but three honks in succession is too much for even my rationalizing mind.

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I finished the transaction with the woman. She exhibited her disgust openly to the honker before driving off. The “JESUS LOVES YOU” car pulled up directly and the driver did not display angst, however, he did appear to be in a hurry so I aided him on his way.

Next car pulls up and I am face to face with an elderly woman. What do I have to lose, I thought to myself. I had to know the truth. So I asked, “Were you the one blowing your horn?”

Her countenance soured immediately. “No. It was that Jesus car in front of me.”

The truth lay bare and ugly as I attempted to smooth out her mood by sharing her frustration. Altho my reasons most likely were different. She pulled away and I ached inside for Jesus. His name was merely on the car but did HE do anything wrong?

The following week that same “JESUS LOVES YOU” car pulled up to my booth. We weren’t flooded with traffic that day so I took a chance.

With as much diplomacy as I had stored in my heart for just such instant occasions I asked the man driving the car;

“Do you remember if you blew the horn last week when you came down my lane?”

At first he hesitated with a seeming tinge of embarrassment, but then he said, “Yes. I was late for work.”

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Immediately I could relate. Countless times when I was running late for work or an appointment, I recalled giving in to frustration with other drivers, and yes even speeding.

With as much diplomacy as I had within me, I told him what my coworker and the customer behind him had said after the horn blowing incident. I told him I used to have a license plate on my car that read “DON’T BE CAUGHT DEAD WITHOUT JESUS”. That plate on my car was intentional to keep myself in check because I bear the name of Christ wherever I go. It was a reminder to me to react with the mind of Christ instead of reacting on my human impulse. Sort of like the WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) movement from a few years back, remember that? When rubber bracelets were just a new thing.

My battle weary plate had to be straightened out many times to fit on my bumper

I told him I was sure he had no intention of making Jesus look bad and that it may be a blind spot for him. His reaction was priceless. In humility he thanked me for reminding him of his responsibilities as a Christian. It was such a moving experience of what passed between us as fellow believers. He accepted the gentle admonishment in a manner of meekness from a virtual stranger out of love for his Savior. I could feel the swell of family love and respect in my heart for this man immediately.

Christianity is so beautiful when we let CHRIST lead. I pray if things were reversed and I was admonished by a loving fellow believer, that my reaction would be the same as my customer in the “JESUS LOVES YOU” car!

Shine on. . .
karan k

Hair Today

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“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.” I Peter 3:3 New Living translation

An acquaintance just messaged me about finding out what hair dresser I use because “my hair always looks awesome,” according to her. Frequently, I’m asked the same question by my customers on the Turnpike and from strangers I pass in the grocery store, the mall and generally round about town.

I have to laugh to myself each time this happens. Everyday is a mysterious hair day for me as in I never know what I’ll be getting when I wake up and brush my hair. I must give credit where it is due and that goes to the cut my hair stylist gives my golden locks. Somehow she has tamed the savage strands in a way I never thought possible. If only these complimenting people knew the life long battle I have had with my hair.

The first time I realized that my hair was seen by some as subpar happened to be in my Sunday school class. One of the girls I grew up with and who I saw as gorgeous told me one Sunday that my hair always looks like straw. Now that didn’t sound very complimentary even to a 10 year old. Straw is usually dry, choppy looking and encrusted with dung. So what exactly was she trying to say?

The following year I mistakenly thought it would help to allow my mother’s hairdresser to give me a perm. You know, add some curls and waves so it wouldn’t be so stick straight. Wouldn’t you know my hair absorbed the perm solution like nobody’s business and I came out from under the hairdryer with a puff of curls standing almost 3 inches high all over my scalp. This incited guys to call me Bozo at football games because my hair was in their field of vision.

These are just two examples of why I laugh when people compliment my hair. I am grateful for the Lord’s unconditional love for His little straw head when no one else saw any value in me. He taught me not to depend on outer appearance to make my way in this hard ole world. Sometimes it hurt but in the end it developed the true beauty that lay deep inside me which is priceless.

Do you ever feel intimidated to shine because you believe things others said to you or about you that were less than stellar? People can be harsh, unthinking and uncaring at times. But you have a “true, loving friend who is reliable and sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24 Amplified Bible

I pray that you will allow Him to help you find and use your inner beauty as well whenever and wherever you can.

“You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” I Peter 3:4 New Living translation

Shine on. . .
karan k

Packages

What is your very first Christmas memory? Colored lights? Scent of pine? Cheesy Christmas music? A cherished new toy? Think about it. Let it stir around in the stew of your mind for awhile.

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For me it was seeing my mother stuffing brightly colored packages into her bedroom closet. That closet was off limits to everyone in the house including my father. But somehow I just could not seem to forget those packages.

While mother worked on laundry in the basement I wandered into her room. I stretched up on my tippy toes to reach the closet doorknob and slowly opened it. The sunlight from the room fell on the colored paper packages generating magical sparkles. I stood there mesmerized.

I began to reach toward the packages when Mother’s voice stopped me cold.

“What are you doing?” she snapped.

I froze and all the magic melted into nothingness.

“Good little girls wait for Santa. Go back to your room,” she said as she slammed the closet door shut.

Somehow I toddled across the hall to my room and wondered who Santa was and if he or she was hiding in Mother’s closet? In the years that followed I never believed much about Santa but I did remain intrigued with mother’s closet, hoping to see more packages.

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Perhaps your Christmas memories are not visions of sugar plums dancing in your head either? But I can tell you that by age seven I discovered the TRUTH of Christmas and HE has made all the difference in my life. Jesus is the TOTAL package!

“So the Word became human and made His home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen His glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.” John 1:14 New Living translation

Have you found the TOTAL package? Today is the perfect time. One click away; http://www.ransomedheart.com

Perhaps you have accepted the gift, the TOTAL package, but you keep Him under the tree of your heart and peek at Him every Christmas and maybe again at Easter?

Trust me, this is the one gift you need more than you can imagine. He left His riches in heaven and came into our world so He could take our place of pain, punishment and sorrow in this life, sparing us from an eternity of anguish IF we take Him and unwrap Him in our lives daily.

Each year at Christmastime I attempt to focus more on Jesus and His Birthday than the last year. Sometimes I’m successful and sometimes I totally blow it. But I know HIM well enough by now that I’m assured HE understands me and fills every flaw with HIS amazing grace. HE encourages me to keep seeking to draw closer throughout the coming new year. Nothing I have found in this life compares to the joy of knowing JESUS.

I encourage you to reopen the gift of Jesus. Explore as a child full of wonder at the King of Kings, the Almighty God and the best friend you’ll ever have… play with Him everyday.

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Merry Merry!

“And so if you meet me and forget me, you’ve lost nothing but if you meet Jesus and forget Him, you’ve lost everything.”

Shine on. . .
karan k

Devilish Detonation: The Conclusion

“I have known these tribulations since my youth; but never expected that they would so increase.” Martin Luther
For those of you who have read this entire series and may be wondering why a half attractive girl would marry an inmate, let alone one with a Life sentence, I’ll tell you it’s complicated.

I could drag the explanation and the rest of the story on forever and if you wanna read it, look for my book “Happy Girl”. It’s in process at the moment but will give you more answers and maybe some laughs along the way. For now stay tuned to FLURISH for bits and pieces of the whole story.

In the opening quote Martin Luther is describing an acute crisis he experienced during the years of 1527/28. (Cited by Protestant Luther historian Heiko A. Oberman.) This was a reference to his lifelong battle with depression.

In I Kings 19:14 Elijah suffered from depression and begged God to let him die. Christians are not exempt from depression and anxiety. To the contrary, I believe our enemy uses these two weapons against us strategically and pervasively.

As Christians we must be wary of this insidious bomb of depression and its fallout that can lead to our destruction slowly or quickly. The enemy doesn’t care as long as he immobilizes and destroys our desire to reach our purpose, and realize our destiny. After all, following your destiny is a main ingredient to FLURISHING.

This same fiend with two faces chased me throughout my life. One face being anxiety, the other depression. Today it’s prevalence is greatly felt in our society but doctors’ offices in the ’60s and ’70s had few dealings with it. Which is one reason for my non-treatment. It was pretty much unheard of at the time.

Without tangling our minds into a mess of medical and technical jargon, let me say just a few words about the importance of seeking professional help IF you suspect any type of ongoing anxiety/depression in your life or have a family history of it.

Clinical depression is a serious and pervasive mood disorder. It’s caused by a disruption of brain chemicals most notably serotonin. People suffer from depression because their brains do not make enough serotonin or can not utilize the amount available. It can become a severe illness if untreated. (Note: Feeling blue or down is experienced by all of us at times, but is NOT the same as Clinical Depression).

Anxiety disorders are a group of mental disturbances characterized by constant feelings of worry about future events and fear which is a reaction to current events. Common physical symptoms include rapid heart rate and shakiness. Often people have multiple anxiety disorders which can be overwhelming and disabling. (Note: A certain amount of anxiety in life is healthy when real danger is involved and that is NOT a disorder).

The danger of neglecting or non-treatment of anxiety, depression or a combination of both including bi-polar disorders as well as seasonal affective disorder–SAD, dysthymia and the new pseudobulbar affect —PBA {Gotta love Danny Glover}, is dangerous both physically and mentally.

For me, the anxiety showed up first as if it had accompanied me at birth. I never knew a quiet restful mind was possible. Consequently, I suffered with depression privately in a family where other members were oblivious or depressed themselves. Furthermore, non-treatment affected every other aspect of my life in significantly negative respects: relational, emotional, social and vocational.

I wish I had known at a young age there was help for me. That I could actually be normal and enjoy life. Many years I endured mental and emotional torture but when I got the right medication it was as if I had a new mind. I could enjoy life like never before. It was a long journey for me, trusting Jesus each step of the way. But better late than never, right?

Please don’t put off seeking help if you suspect ANY of these issues lurk in your life. The journey can’t begin until you take the first step. Take a look at yourself honestly and ask a trusted friend or family member if they see any signs of depression and/or anxiety.

For everyone else be aware this holiday season of this devilish detonation debris and damage in people all around you. Be kind and encouraging. It’s the hardest time of year for those struggling. Since 1970 the teen/youth suicide rate has tripled. The teen years should be one of the greatest times for all of us and yet the stats show otherwise. The highest rate of suicide for any age occurs during the Christmas season.

May all of us experience peace and a sound mind this Christmas and beyond. Romans 12:2

Shine on. . .
karan k

Devilish Detonation Party IX: Destiny?

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” Ecclesiastes 4:9 New Living translation

Unfortunately, feelings have pretty much nothing to do with faith and the decision I made based on them affected the rest of my life. I decided it was my God-given destiny to marry Joe. I didn’t like the assignment but I FELT peace. Absolutely convinced this was what GOD was asking me to do, I gave in to this misidentified compulsion.

Next little issue needing attention? Tell Joe. Poor guy never saw the freight train Karan steaming toward him. I wanted to please GOD so bad I could taste it. Least that’s what my motives seemed to be at the time in my 20 year old mind.

It was November of 1983 and a Rod Stewart song expressed the wild FEELINGS chasing around in my heart. So I asked Joe in my letter that day if he heard the song? Once Joe heard it, he would know exactly how I FELT. The title you ask? “What Am I Gonna Do? (I’m So Inlove With You)”.

Can I tell you what you mean to me
You’re as central as the air I breathe
Almost impossible to believe that you’re mine
You’re like weekends all year long under a hot Jamaican sun
You are a winner at a hundred to one
yes you are

{BRIDGE}
Something you’ve got is something I need right now
You don’t have to prove it no more
I’m down on my bended knees

What am I gonna do I’m so in love with you
What am I gonna say if ever you go away

One in a million oh so rare
a nightengale in Berkley Square
and baby I ain’t goin’ nowhere without you
You are the goal that wins the game
the very last bus home in the rain
You’re like rock and roll and champagne
all in one

{BRIDGE}
Let’s not mess around anymore

What am I gonna do I’m so in love with you
What am I gonna say if ever you go away
(repeat)

I’ll be a sleek one of a kind
and so difficult to define
I could drink a case of you any time

The Sistene Chapel and the Eiffel Tower
a national anthem an April shower
tomorrow’s fashion and now I’ve found you
I’m complete

{BRIDGE}. . .

Rod Stewart

How would he respond? I had to wait three days for him to receive the letter and then hear the song and then write back. Could be a week or more. My anxiety levels were now through the roof. What happened to my peace? A question I never asked myself at the time. Hindsight is fabulous isn’t it?

A week passed when my much anticipated answer arrived. Joe wrote the longest letter he had sent to date; seven handwritten sheets on both sides of legal size tablet paper. Nothing unusual until the last full page. He writes;

“I had to be sure, but we’ve been on the same wavelength for awhile now. . . I, Joe Raymond, a one time evil sinner, fornicator and murderer, have by a miracle of grace and power of Almighty God through His Son, Jesus Christ met and fallen in love with thee Karan Marie the way Christ wants a man to love a woman.”

Can you say smitten? Destiny Game face totally on! This powered the Karan freighter full steam ahead. To make a very long story short, Joey (which is what I called him after getting to know him better) and I were married 13 months later.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 was the scripture we asked the Pastor to read during the ceremony. Ours was an Ordained Love with a three-fold cord, Jesus being the third strand. The day sparkled with innocent love swirling in crystal pools of seriousness. The only dark spot occurred when the groom could not leave with the bride for the honeymoon.

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Shine on. . .
karan k

Be sure to read all nine posts in order. Catch up by checking for the other posts in archives. Stay tuned for the conclusion coming soon.

Devilish Detonation Part VIII: Conditional Compulsion

“Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow: though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” Isaiah 1:18

Thoughts of Joey ceased to exit my mind in the following weeks. My faith in the Jesus I met in childhood swelled in my heart. Vince informed us on the long ride home that he planned to take us to see Joey when he gets transferred no matter how far away the location.

Emkay organized a card shower for Joey’s upcoming Birthday and this time she didn’t have to ask for my participation. I constructed a large HAPPY BIRTHDAY poster which I stood beside while Emkay took a polaroid photo. It was a joy to be a part of the celebration.

Joey and I continued writing and began doing Bible studies together by mail. Through a generous gift from the church in his hometown, he enrolled in Moody Bible Institute. He shared his lessons with me. I grew in biblical knowledge but more importantly I discovered I could have a daily closeness with Jesus who I thought I already knew. Imagine learning all this from a convicted axe murderer.

“God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God.” I Corinthians 1:28 & 29 New Living translation. (For some interesting insights read this same chapter in The Message version of the Bible)

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It was about 6 weeks from our first visit until Vince could take everyone to western Pennsylvania in Huntingdon county to Joey’s new residence. In that time something else churned in my mind and soul. Something I didn’t understand and to be honest, something I puzzle over even now from time to time.

Remember in the beginning of this series I told you about my struggles with anxiety, depression, dysfunction and abuse? Somehow all these negatives remained in remission in my subconscious and twisted some of my thinking abilities.

It’s easy to understand how a needy girl like me could begin to fall for Joey. He was everything I was looking for: Godly, intelligent, handsome, charming, witty, and oh yeah, incarcerated. Definitely a major snag. I hated being alone. So being in a relationship with him outside of friendship was absolutely out of the question or was it?

All I can tell you is my soul, the seat of my feelings, spun in turmoil like an emotional tornado. Inner peace eluded me. I couldn’t stand this state of mind. I prayed desperately and asked God for help. I felt like a Jonah, running from what I FELT was God’s call on my life. I had to obey it. I FELT compelled. I wanted to do the right thing. I wrestled with it for those six weeks before surrendering and telling God I would do what I FELT He was requiring of me. And then I FELT blessed peace!

Naturally I assumed I was on track with His will. After all, peace was a sign we Christians use for uncovering His plan for our lives, right? So I moved forward.

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” II Corinthians 5:7 English Standard version

Shine on. . .
karan k